This has been the most awesome school holidays ever!

Cuz I discovered a few of life's most luxurious moments!

1. It is such a pleasure to be able to sleep at whatever time and wake up at whatever time you want!

& you awake in the morning, smiling to yourself, and your heart is filled with so much joy and thanksgiving for a restful night=)

2. Get to hang around in church just enjoying the company of my brother and sisters. WITH NO MEETINGS

Small grp so glad u gals are growing deeper and discovering the right priorities
despite your O/N levels

3. Spend quality time with my family!
Having so much more patience with my sisters =)

4. Lifechanging mission trip

5. Crusades IGNYTE camp =)

God placed us in NUS for a reason, let's not miss the opportunity to let God, and let blessing others, colour our Uni life =)

Lastly but most importantly, I get to spend SO SO much time with God =)

Purely just singing and talking and listening and reading his word =)

That's what made this holidays the best ever!

Reflections

And now that you're near, everything is different, everything's so different Lord.

God is really the God of the invisible and unmeasureable, the God of so much more.
God ignited the passion, God chose the people, God provided the path, God lit the way =)

God taught me so many things. One of the most valuable one is the power of prayer.

It's amazing, whenever Bert, YuRu and I have our brains fried or have differing ideas,
and when talking only makes matters more confusing..

Praying almost always instantly provided us with the answers.

Be it discovering God's will for the team, our team name, team verse, how to conduct a talk about spiritual warfare.

Also, the prayers for miracles ( we left our hard toiled song lyrics mahjong paper in Singapore and were praying for a miracle and God showed us something even better immediately after our prayers---a whiteboard!), for healing ( our own trippers and the kids and staff were sick and some were healed in a prayer! ), for strength to sustain ! I feared that my team could barely make it through one night, but we were so comfortable right until the 5^th night!

God also answered our prayers for his presence to dwell amongst us. I am so glad all of my youth and co leaders met God in a way or another.

One of my youths saw a vision of God for the first time!

We met God in the kids' 5 am morning devotion, through the ringing voices in the wee hours of the morning, we felt God dwelling in the midst of us;
we met God when a twelve year old kid said “God bless you and protect you” through his tears as we part from the orphanage;
we met God in the Bayon temples, where one of our youths found life in the ruins. little tadpoles living in a 5cent coin sized dent in the rocks.;
we met God as our plane cruised through the brilliant sunset.

I personally met God during the prayer walk. My heart felt super heavy in the heart when we walked into the first house in the village. In the second house, one of my youths prayed for a lady.

I caught a tear in her eye and my tears just started to flow uncontrollably.

I was SOOOOOOOO SAD! It was so painful in my heart!

Was that how you felt for her, God?

Were those your tears? After that prayer walk, my heart became so sensitive to everything! I was moved so easily, when i see the orphans smile, when I see the orphans having a chance to be educated, when i see my youths loving and caring for each other.

These past months God have been engaging me through logical thinking as I realise that my faith cannot be built upon emotions alone. But I have been praying and yearning for a tangible hug from God. The lovey-dovey feeling i had the whole of last year! Hmm I did not pray for God to touch me during this trip cuz all I could remember pray for is for God to touch my youths! This is just such a lovely surprise from God. He knows I love surprises and surprises rarely surprise me =)

Of course God also give me alot of humbling moments for me to learn about myself!

1. I don't need to be a leader to lead

2. If I think I'm sensitive enough, I'm still not

3. If i think I'm patient enough, I'm still far

This trip was a dream come true for me =)

It was my dream to be able to lead a team of youths and let them experience God in a real and tangible way!

Seeing them loving, caring and showing grace to each other warms my heart so much! And seeing them mature and start to take the lead was super encouraging!
I like how Philip Yancey put it, we are called to bear fruits for christ.
First to bear spiritual fruits (quality of Christ) : love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness and self control.

But the ultimate aim of fruits is to reproduce.

We are all called to disciple people, to raise the next generation of faith workers! We cant we forever spiritual babies, after receiving nourishment from our seniors/ mentors, we have to be responsible big brothers and sisters, to help guide our lil ones! One day, we have to be spiritual dads and mums, and grandpa and grandma! This mission trip is such a good training experience for me!

Although my trip has ended, I am so glad that we all took hope valuable lessons for the trip. Love and family were two important lessons our team learnt and remembered. God commanded us to love our neighbours as ourselves, yet we sometimes find it the hardest to love our family members. YuRu gave a testimony in church, saying that

we should show more love and patience in our family because THEY ARE our closest neighbour after all!

I came back from the trip, convicted to love my family more. I haven't raised my voice to any of my family members since the trip!

I have also felt the overwhelming love and grace from God to forgive someone I have been holding unforgiveness for 3 years. This was supernatural. I thought the hurt could never be healed.

But God replaced all the hurts into love in one instant.

Praise the Lord.

I am so glad and cant thank God enough to have led this team. It was lifechanging.

I know, I'm not the same, my life will change. I wanna be with you, I wanna be with you...

Never knew how beautiful and magnificent deserts are!
stretches of endless sea of smooth sand (of course there are rough patches and dried soil ), but the sight when the sun peeps through the sand mountain is just breath-taking....
My eyes were glued to the screen the entire half an hour (apart from commercial breaks).
Once again, looking at nature points my heart towards acknowleging the power and the majesty of my creator =)

I WNA go to the desert one day XD
but actually Im thankful to be able to watch such a glorious sight from the comforts of my sofa.
You dont feel the blaze and the cold (tundras can be reallllllyyy ccoooollld).

THE ROYAL WEDDING!

All weddings are special,

All weddings are joyous occassions,

And the whole world is invited to celebrate with them.

feel sad for Prince William and Kate to not be able to have a private one,

but then again,

it's a moment where Britains out aside their differences and celebrate on the streets tgt,

it's a moment where ppl all around the world share the joy of the blissful couple =)

haha at least it made my friday really happy, cuz there's so much love in the air =)

p.s.William and Kate were tgt for 10 years (they met in Uni! And lasted until now, there's quite hard to imagine even for normal ppl)

This wedding generated 1 billion worth of revenue for Britain!

And the couple requested their wedding gifts to be money/deeds given to charity organisation instead of expensive jewelry and decor. =)

...made me daydream about my wedding =)

Jesus Christ, I think upon your sacrifice, You became nothing, Poured out to death. Many times, I've wondered at your gift of life, I'm in that place once again. I'm in that place once again.

Had really a rough patch in the middle of last week! Was really really depressed. Not cuz of commitment, Not cuz of schwork, Not cuz of relationship stuff.. But cuz i thought God was really far away.. He wasnt at my arm's length, Joy and peace wasnt lingering around my heart... I broke down in the train on the way home.. I was feeling really alone. I prayed for God to show me His love, TANGIBLY, once again! Den i heard a still small voice, " Im here with you. " I brighten up immediately. But i was still feeling gloomy so I prayed to God for someone to msg me and show me His love thru him/her. The walk home was gloomy, nobody msged me =( (thought God would send somebody!) But lo and behold! When i reached home, my lil sister ran to receive me, she gave me a really big hug! All my depression was washed away. Science cant explain the origin of love, evolution theorist can try to explain how love was passed down, but they cant explain how love came to be in the beginning. How can random collisions produce an emotion and affection so intense?

But for now, I marvel at your savig grace. Im full of praise once again. Im full of praise once again...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUN & JIA! IM sorry to both of my dear frens! Last week had taken a toll on me! NOW IM BACK REJOICING!!!! Happy brithday to both of you~ Even though time and space set us apart, even though we not tgt physically, you both are present in a special place in my heart. And that place is somewhere nobody who is present with me here and now, can ever have access to. <3 God bless, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!

A picture says a thousand words.

These words are razors to my wounded heart -william shakespear

So true.
One flash of a wallet exposed a picture that pierced through wadever walls i have built.
Holding up the knife there through the day,
I prevented it from cutting deeper,
it just pricked at my skin.

I guess i wasnt careful when i slept,
I tossed and turned in nightmare of him until it pierce thru my skin.
Woke up bleeding,
just like 3 years ago.
But thankfully this time, it has more disturbing than hurtful.

I asked God why does the knife still feel so sharp?
Den i started to ask why is he doing this to me again.
I started to question why is the vow of men so fragile,
How can one protrays that he is a man of
responsibility,
a man of empathty, a man who feels for the thousand
dead in somewhere far away,
yet disregards the hurling razors on someone who once gave him the key to her heart??

Am i not human?
Do i not bleed? -William Shakespear (agn)

I asked those question,
even I know very well that the problem lies
w myself.
He aint doing anyth to hurt me,
He could have been more sensitive,
But he is under no obligation to consider my feelings at the expense of his happiness...
Cuz in the first place, werent it werent his happiness that mattered,
things wont have turned out so bad.
And there is nothing wrong with this,
it's just being human.

The question i
should be asking myself is,
and jessica is
very right abt that,
should be
"WHY AM I STILL FEELING THIS WAY?"

I really thank god for building me up these 3 years +,
at least I am able to feel a sense of peace in his presence,
thank God that i can lift my head high.

Now God is guiding me through a second level of
obstacle.

& I will climb over it.

To err is human,
To
forgive is divine...

From an awesome book, Captivating

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Do not
wait until you feel like forgiving before you forgive. It never gets there. Forgiveness is an act of will. Feelings takes time to heal after the choice to forgive is being made.
Forgiveness is not saying, "It really didnt matter," or
"I probably deserved some of it." It's saying that "It is wrong.
Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you up to God. I will not be your captive any
longer."

Amen to
that!!

proverbs 31 woman

My prayer...








She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
-Proverbs 31:12

She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue
proverbs 31:26

Her husband also, he praises her.

~Beauty is when you look into a woman's eyes and sees what in her heart =)