the spirit of busy-ness is here agn..
i wonder how many ppl are still feeling carefree and blog hopping.

i wud love to.
but there is homework undone and tmr.
not to mention tests....

i asked my cousin how impt A lvls is,
she said very impt.
"ppl like us have to work harder to live the life that we wan."

wad if wad I want is simple?

there is a huge huge part of me urging me
to stop n look, stop n help.
if i were to die tmr,
i cud imagine myself crying in heaven
cuz i haven been as selfless as I wud want to.
i wud look down at those things i wud have solved,
fates i wud hv changed, lives i wud have improved
things that wud please God
but i haven cuz im so tired and tied by schwork.

such a big part of me feel so disappointed in myself that
cuz of this A lvl, im giving up so much to study.

i wish i cud let go of working hard

But being asian,
we tend to give up what we want to pursue from a greater collective interest.

i have to put myself n 3 more sisters thru university.
i want to buy a house that will enable my mum to have her own working room.
i cannot disappoint my uncle who has been helping my family out financially so 10years.
and so..

there is this trap feeling.
btwn wad I want and wad they want.
I want to achieve both,
but you cant cuz of limited activity in your grey matter,
and limited courage to step out of your comfortzone to help.
so you are trapped in btwn,
and getting only half returns in both.


i just pray for more wisdom, energy and courage.
and that i wud not die before loving all of wad god loved.

J I A Y O U to on your pursuit of happiness =)