Reflections

And now that you're near, everything is different, everything's so different Lord.

God is really the God of the invisible and unmeasureable, the God of so much more.
God ignited the passion, God chose the people, God provided the path, God lit the way =)

God taught me so many things. One of the most valuable one is the power of prayer.

It's amazing, whenever Bert, YuRu and I have our brains fried or have differing ideas,
and when talking only makes matters more confusing..

Praying almost always instantly provided us with the answers.

Be it discovering God's will for the team, our team name, team verse, how to conduct a talk about spiritual warfare.

Also, the prayers for miracles ( we left our hard toiled song lyrics mahjong paper in Singapore and were praying for a miracle and God showed us something even better immediately after our prayers---a whiteboard!), for healing ( our own trippers and the kids and staff were sick and some were healed in a prayer! ), for strength to sustain ! I feared that my team could barely make it through one night, but we were so comfortable right until the 5^th night!

God also answered our prayers for his presence to dwell amongst us. I am so glad all of my youth and co leaders met God in a way or another.

One of my youths saw a vision of God for the first time!

We met God in the kids' 5 am morning devotion, through the ringing voices in the wee hours of the morning, we felt God dwelling in the midst of us;
we met God when a twelve year old kid said “God bless you and protect you” through his tears as we part from the orphanage;
we met God in the Bayon temples, where one of our youths found life in the ruins. little tadpoles living in a 5cent coin sized dent in the rocks.;
we met God as our plane cruised through the brilliant sunset.

I personally met God during the prayer walk. My heart felt super heavy in the heart when we walked into the first house in the village. In the second house, one of my youths prayed for a lady.

I caught a tear in her eye and my tears just started to flow uncontrollably.

I was SOOOOOOOO SAD! It was so painful in my heart!

Was that how you felt for her, God?

Were those your tears? After that prayer walk, my heart became so sensitive to everything! I was moved so easily, when i see the orphans smile, when I see the orphans having a chance to be educated, when i see my youths loving and caring for each other.

These past months God have been engaging me through logical thinking as I realise that my faith cannot be built upon emotions alone. But I have been praying and yearning for a tangible hug from God. The lovey-dovey feeling i had the whole of last year! Hmm I did not pray for God to touch me during this trip cuz all I could remember pray for is for God to touch my youths! This is just such a lovely surprise from God. He knows I love surprises and surprises rarely surprise me =)

Of course God also give me alot of humbling moments for me to learn about myself!

1. I don't need to be a leader to lead

2. If I think I'm sensitive enough, I'm still not

3. If i think I'm patient enough, I'm still far

This trip was a dream come true for me =)

It was my dream to be able to lead a team of youths and let them experience God in a real and tangible way!

Seeing them loving, caring and showing grace to each other warms my heart so much! And seeing them mature and start to take the lead was super encouraging!
I like how Philip Yancey put it, we are called to bear fruits for christ.
First to bear spiritual fruits (quality of Christ) : love, joy, peace, patience, faithfulness, gentleness, goodness and self control.

But the ultimate aim of fruits is to reproduce.

We are all called to disciple people, to raise the next generation of faith workers! We cant we forever spiritual babies, after receiving nourishment from our seniors/ mentors, we have to be responsible big brothers and sisters, to help guide our lil ones! One day, we have to be spiritual dads and mums, and grandpa and grandma! This mission trip is such a good training experience for me!

Although my trip has ended, I am so glad that we all took hope valuable lessons for the trip. Love and family were two important lessons our team learnt and remembered. God commanded us to love our neighbours as ourselves, yet we sometimes find it the hardest to love our family members. YuRu gave a testimony in church, saying that

we should show more love and patience in our family because THEY ARE our closest neighbour after all!

I came back from the trip, convicted to love my family more. I haven't raised my voice to any of my family members since the trip!

I have also felt the overwhelming love and grace from God to forgive someone I have been holding unforgiveness for 3 years. This was supernatural. I thought the hurt could never be healed.

But God replaced all the hurts into love in one instant.

Praise the Lord.

I am so glad and cant thank God enough to have led this team. It was lifechanging.

I know, I'm not the same, my life will change. I wanna be with you, I wanna be with you...