A picture says a thousand words.

These words are razors to my wounded heart -william shakespear

So true.
One flash of a wallet exposed a picture that pierced through wadever walls i have built.
Holding up the knife there through the day,
I prevented it from cutting deeper,
it just pricked at my skin.

I guess i wasnt careful when i slept,
I tossed and turned in nightmare of him until it pierce thru my skin.
Woke up bleeding,
just like 3 years ago.
But thankfully this time, it has more disturbing than hurtful.

I asked God why does the knife still feel so sharp?
Den i started to ask why is he doing this to me again.
I started to question why is the vow of men so fragile,
How can one protrays that he is a man of
responsibility,
a man of empathty, a man who feels for the thousand
dead in somewhere far away,
yet disregards the hurling razors on someone who once gave him the key to her heart??

Am i not human?
Do i not bleed? -William Shakespear (agn)

I asked those question,
even I know very well that the problem lies
w myself.
He aint doing anyth to hurt me,
He could have been more sensitive,
But he is under no obligation to consider my feelings at the expense of his happiness...
Cuz in the first place, werent it werent his happiness that mattered,
things wont have turned out so bad.
And there is nothing wrong with this,
it's just being human.

The question i
should be asking myself is,
and jessica is
very right abt that,
should be
"WHY AM I STILL FEELING THIS WAY?"

I really thank god for building me up these 3 years +,
at least I am able to feel a sense of peace in his presence,
thank God that i can lift my head high.

Now God is guiding me through a second level of
obstacle.

& I will climb over it.

To err is human,
To
forgive is divine...

From an awesome book, Captivating

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Do not
wait until you feel like forgiving before you forgive. It never gets there. Forgiveness is an act of will. Feelings takes time to heal after the choice to forgive is being made.
Forgiveness is not saying, "It really didnt matter," or
"I probably deserved some of it." It's saying that "It is wrong.
Very wrong. It mattered, hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you up to God. I will not be your captive any
longer."

Amen to
that!!